Disclaimer: I love animals. Really, I do. Please, I can’t watch any movie, TV show, or even commercial that begins to even hint at animal abuse, homeless pets, or anything of the like. I’m currently reading Water for Elephants, and I my mother had to warn me which pages I should skip because of the descriptions of the cruel way circus animals were (are?) treated.
That being said, I had what I thought was a great idea this morning (I was wrong). And that was to dress up my cat, Lulu, for Christmas and take her picture, then, wait for it…use this as my Christmas card. I even had the funny holiday message I wanted to put inside. Now, I feel that I must add another disclaimer here.
Disclaimer 2: In the game of Love it or Hate it, I’ve always kind of hated people who dress up there pets; however, this excludes for holidays. If you want to dress up your dog or cat for Halloween or Christmas, I say go for it, just be prepared for a little pet to owner hatred that will take many treats to resolve. However, it’s the people who dress up their pets on a daily basis that I hate. There is no need for a Chihuahua to be dressed as a bumblebee or a Persian to be dressed as tiger. I mean you are dressing an animal up as another animal. Not necessary. And don’t even get me started on the people who dress their animals like idiots and then tote them around in a little doggie purse. Pet owner rule #321, dogs don’t belong in purses.
Okay, back to Operation Best Christmas Card Ever. So, I trekked off to Pet Smart with my Perks Card in hand. (This somehow made me feel like a responsible pet owner and not one who was about to overtly humiliate her pet.) Since it was only four days after Halloween, Christmas decorations were abound. Now, Lulu is a bit on the fluffy side (read: fat), so I bought her a jaunty small dog Santa suit with Velcro closures and a pair of reindeer antlers. I realize Santa didn’t have antlers and Rudolph did not wear a Santa suit. But, she’s neither Rudolph nor Santa. She’s a cat. Get a grip people. I’m not going for reality here. I’m going for funny.
I got home and couldn’t wait to begin the photo shoot. I dragged out a green fleece blanket to use as the backdrop and set it up on the sofa. Then I called Lulu, which is usually all it takes to get her to jump, light as a bowling ball, into my lap. Being that she is a cat and doesn’t have a lot of reasoning skills (I mean, the antlers and Santa suit in my hand should have been a tip off that something was amiss), she trotted right over. First I went for the Santa suit and was slightly horrified that the SMALL DOG size I purchased didn’t quite fit. (Read: There was no chance in Hell the Velcro closures were going to hold; considered duct tape, but then thought better, as I didn’t want to give her a brazillian wax w/ duct tape.) I finally managed to squeeze her into it and then strapped on the antlers, which was surprisingly easy. I was silently congratulating myself on the brilliancy of this idea and how my Christmas cards were going to be the talk of my friends and family.
Disclaimer 3: Never congratulate yourself until the result you want has been achieved. In this case that would be a usable picture, preferably of Hallmark quality.
I got about 20 pictures of her squirming around the couch and then on the floor, shaking her head trying to lose the antlers. B/c of the minute size of the Santa suit, it looks more like she is wearing some sort of red and white muffler around her middle. And none of the pictures I managed to get captured the look I was going for, Christmas joy, undeniable cuteness, and slight humiliation, just so she knows that I know she is going along with this but not happy about it.
Basically, I have 20 photos of a pissed off cat who is exploding fur. Oh, and a raging allergy attack from the dander that accompanied the fur explosion. And now, costume free, she is mocking me, lying on her back and mugging for the non-existant camera. On the bright side, it’s only November 4. Thanks to digital cameras and Kodakgallery.com, I’ve got plenty of time…as Lulu silently picks up the phone and hits speed dial 7.
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